Awhile back I was applying at a bunch of jobs, knowing that most of them required a pre-employment drug test before they’d hire. These were my first professional jobs that I was shooting for, so I knew I had to treat the process seriously.
Before I even got an interview, I started looking up products that would help me pass a drug test. Hey, I’m responsible where it counts. Don’t judge me.
There was no way I was gonna risk handing over my own piss because let’s get real, I love to smoke and stopping wasn’t gonna help flush it out of my system in time. I ended up buying 3 brands of synthetic piss so I could compare them and choose the best one to help me pass a drug test.
Serious Monkey Bizzness Synthetic Urine was one of those brands so I’m gonna talk about that one here. When it arrived, it came in a box with this crazy looking monkey on it. The box was decked out in Bob Marley colors and said “serious monkey business” on it.
The spelling was pretty clever and played off their name, Monkey Whizz. It did succeed in giving me a laugh more than anything, but their cartoon mascot wasn’t doing much for credibility.
It looked more like a gag gift for a buddy’s birthday than something as serious as what I was considering using it for.
Still, it was a fake pee that could help me get the job done. I opened the box and took out the plastic flask of fake piss and was immediately surprised by the color. It was a bright yellow that didn’t look like my shade of pee, but I don’t spend a lot of time looking at anyone else’s piss so maybe it was the right color.
I read a tip somewhere that you should shake the piss before you hand it over because real urine foams up and has a bunch of bubbles. I wanted this to look as realistic as possible. I was kind of disappointed after shaking the Serious Monkey Whizz because it didn’t hold many bubbles or foam up the way I expected it to.
The day of your drug test, you’ll have to heat up your fake pee to simulate the temperature it would be if it were actually coming out of your body.
Urine is released from your body anywhere between 90 and 100 degrees. The technician is required to test the temperature of your pee within 4 minutes of you handing it over, which gives it a bit of leeway for temp fluctuation. Nuke it in the microwave for 15 seconds or until it reaches the right temperature.
The heat pad claims to keep your fake piss at the right temperature for up to 8 hours. I won't push it if you don’t have to. Heat it up and use it as soon as you can.
Some products are sold with a belt to make sure it doesn’t slide anywhere or fall out. If you don’t have one of those, make sure you’re wearing underwear that is tight enough.
Give it a shake to simulate the natural foam that occurs when you pee into a cup. Pour it into the sample cup and hand it over.
The instructions are pretty clear and simple. But remember that even if you do everything right, it won’t matter if you’re using a product that doesn’t have the right ingredients. Do Monkey Whiz ingredients meet the test?
It was actually pretty hard to find the ingredients that are in Monkey Whizz. I went to over a dozen sites and couldn’t find anything besides other people’s experiences that could have been outdated.
I did enough research to know that a good fake piss is balanced for pH to mimic the properties of real pee. If it’s completely out of the range of normal urine, that would be a dead giveaway that it’s fake.
I came across no information on its pH or any other ingredients. Based on my research, I knew I needed a product that contained urea. Awhile back, drug tests caught onto the fact that people were using fake piss and started testing for urea, which real urine contains. Those that didn’t have it were flagged as fakes.
I still have no idea if Monkey Whizz contains the right ingredients.
I didn’t actually end up using Monkey Whizz because I decided it didn’t quite look right and when I shook it, it didn’t keep many bubbles. I wanted to use something that looked as real as possible. But more importantly, I wanted to know that it had the right ingredients.
I chose Quick Fix as the fake pee for my drug test because it definitely contains urea, is balanced for pH, contains creatinine, and is the correct specific gravity to match the characteristics of real urine. It also looked more real to me and held foam when I shook it. You can read our full Quick Fix review here.
One more thing that put me off Monkey Whizz was coming across an iffy review about it from someone that had used it and failed their drug test. That was enough for me to say no thanks!
On the other hand, Quick Fix has tons of reviews that are universally positive and highly recommended. It’s the best synthetic urine that you can buy and has never failed a test in the lab so you can bet that it’ll help you pass your drug test!
It definitely worked for me, and I would highly recommend it based on personal experience. Quick Fix is the best stuff your money can buy! Don’t say I never did anything for you.