How to Make a Homemade Whizzinator (Fake Dick)
Let’s say you had a huge night on the town a couple of days ago and you arrive at work to hear that there is going to be a piss test. I know how you feel bro, because this happened to me! I rushed to my computer and started searching the internet high and dry (no pun intended) for a quick solution.
I looked at the best solutions to fake a piss test and found different DIY options and some strange contraptions that had loads of positive reviews. But I was strapped for cash and decided to give a DIY Whizzinator kit a go.
You’re probably wondering what in the heck a Whizzinator kit is?
It’s a kit that that supposedly helps you pass a drug test, including a syringe, dried urine, heater packs, an instruction manual and, get this, a fake penis. However, recently the Whizzinator (read review) is coming under a lot of pressure from reported failed tests. People are complaining that the urine is of a low quality.
I thought the fake dick must’ve been a joke, but nope, it’s actually part of the set-up. I didn’t like the idea of building one of these contraptions in my own home but desperate times call for desperate measures.
Being the cheap bastard that I was, I chose the Do It Yourself route. And man, I didn’t know how much work would go into making this thing – it is not easy. The things you do to get out of trouble. If you're going to sit a test and can't afford to fail, I would recommend buying a real product as the consequences are simply not worth it.
Why take a chance? We recommend the #1 product Monkey Dong.
Keep reading to find out exactly what I used to make my own Whizzinator.
What Materials Do You Need?
You’ll need a few things to create your own Whizzinator kit, so write this all this down:
- 1 thermometer
- analog is way better if you can get it
- 2 cups
- A microwave oven
- 1 ft. of floss
- ¼-inch fish tank tubing (with a length of 3 in.)
- A condom or balloon (a party balloon will do the trick)
- 2 hand warmers
- 1 pair of boxer briefs
- Clean urine
- Optional: a turkey baster (recommended!)
Once you’ve spent a good day gathering all of the ingredients, then you need to begin the long process of making your own whizzinator. I included step by step instructions in the following section.
Step-by-Step Guide: How to Make Your Own Whizzinator
Knowing how to make a fake dick can be useful for many situations, however, you will find it pretty challenging with little room for error. There are many steps to making your own piss test kit so get ready to put in the work.
- First, get someone to piss into a cup for you. Once they’re done, thank them for their clean urine and immediately set the cup in your fridge. You’ll have to keep it in there for at least half an hour, but the longer you can keep it refrigerated the better (overnight is ideal). This keeps the piss as fresh as it can be.
- A few hours before taking the drug test, you have to wash your condom or balloon thoroughly to get rid of that nasty latex scent and other filth that could tamper with the urine. Make sure you don’t use any soap or detergent, or it could leave residue that’ll get you caught. All you have to do is rinse with clean tap water. Be gentle when rinsing or you might bust it like I did the first time.
- Take the urine out of the fridge, pop it in the microwave, and heat it up for about half a minute. Fresh urine doesn’t have to be heated so only heat it up if you’ve been keeping it in the fridge.
- Check the urine’s temperature with the thermometer. You want the piss to be between 94 to 100 degrees Celsius.
- Get your condom and put it inside a cup. Keep your fish tank tubing and floss nearby because you’ll have to use them pretty quickly.
- The next step is to get the urine into the condom or balloon, which is why a turkey baster is a good idea. Without it, you might get the piss on you so be really careful when doing this.
- Carefully pour around 30ml of pee into the condom, making sure to leave some space for it to sag. During this stage, I started kicking myself for getting piss all over myself and not forking over the extra bucks to buy the actual Whizzinator.
- Put the fish tank tubing into the pee, so it is around an inch into the liquid.
- Use the floss to wrap the outside of the condom. It works best if you alternate around the fish tank tubing. You also have to make sure that you’re wrapping everything tightly with the floss, but not so tight that it punctures or makes holes in the condom. Cut whatever floss is left over.
- Twist the condom a few times so that it seals completely, which will make it fold over. If there’s too much piss then you’ll have to drain a bit of it so that you can actually twist it a few times.
- Activate the hand warmer and put it into the cup that the pee condom is now sitting in. Place the thermometer in there as well. It’s time to put on your boxer briefs. If your boxer briefs kinda guy, you’ll know that these babies have big pockets under the sack area – this is where your balloon and hand warmer will rest.
- The fish tank tubing has to face towards your dick so it doesn’t fall down. The filled condom will sit on top of the tubing’s twisted area. Now your contraption should be ready to go when you need it.
- When you’re ready to give your sample, you’ll have to poke a hole. Use both hands and gently squeeze the condom to get things flowing. Note that all your hard work will go to waste if you don’t use your DIY Whizzinator within 48 hours.
- Now that you’ve read through the instructions, do you think it’s worth it?. Keep reading to find out my final opinion and solution to all of this.
So, Is it Worth the Risk Making Your Own Whizzinator?
NOPE! As you can see from the above. It takes time and you still need to spend money. If you get any of the stages wrong, then you will be failing.
What I didn’t realize until I actually finished making my own homemade Whizzinator kit is what would happen if it failed. I’m not a company that relies on the effectiveness of a product to make money. I’d just look like a tool that obviously tried to mess with the law.
I know a number of ex-colleagues who attempted to make their own Whizzinator and got caught during the exam because it did not look real enough. Plus, why would you want to make your own Whizzinator when the real one is failing people.
Looking back, I should’ve just hit the bought the Monkey Dong and waited for the mailman to arrive. This product is cheaper and more reliable than the Whizzinator.
So to summarise, screw all the stages I just mentioned, go buy the real Monkey Dong to make sure you pass the test smoothly. You really don't want to risk your livelihood trying to save a couple of bucks. Good luck!